Has your inner critic been wreaking havoc lately? We all have those little voices that point out our flaws, or worse, say very mean things to us. The process of going through years of accumulated papers and possessions creates a real playground for our inner critic, as we are confronted with all the “woulda, coulda, shoulda” opportunities that are now gone.
I’ve been privileged to work with many clients who have shared their strategies for managing their inner critics, and I’ve developed some ideas of my own, too. First, a disclaimer that none of this is intended to minimize the seriousness of pervasive negative self-talk. If your inner critic is impacting your quality of life, please speak with your physician or mental health professional.
The following ideas and strategies are intended to address the common self-critical thoughts that may come up as we make attempts to declutter, get organized and develop new habits to maintain our space and time.
Here are some situations that may stir up the inner critic, and possible strategies for managing it.
Overwhelm
When we feel overwhelmed and powerless, the inner critic may be our brain’s last-ditch effort to maintain a sense of control. Reminding ourselves of other challenges we have overcome and focusing on just one tiny step at a time, can often get this inner critic to see that we’re doing quite well, thank you. It begins to retreat as it sees that the more rational parts of our brain have everything under control, and it is only going to get in the way if it sticks around.
Fear of the work ahead
When we are scared of the work ahead, our inner critic may turn into a frightened cat getting all puffed up to appear larger and stronger than it really is. Although our first impulse may be to run, gentle coaxing and reassurance can often soothe this critic. It likes to hear that we’re still going to honor what’s really important and we’re not going to rush through things at a frightening pace. It also likes to be reminded of all the different resources and tools we have at our disposal.
Fear of success
Some inner critics aren’t scared of the work, but they are scared of the results. As we clear space and time, we also create new opportunities, and perhaps, new pressures, too. Change can be scary; even if it’s change that we’ve been craving for years. This is an excellent opportunity to reflect and explore whether maintaining the status quo is a viable option. If we decide that it’s not, we can remind ourselves that leaving an untenable situation does not mean relinquishing our free will. We can move thoughtfully and deliberately in whichever direction we choose.
Fear of failure
The poor misguided inner critic really does want to help us. When the thought of failure is just too painful, it jumps in to give us all sorts of reasons not to risk it, by not even trying. It helps to remind ourselves that when we are attempting to change or do something differently, the term “failure” really doesn’t apply. Change comes about after a series of attempts, and sometimes, many attempts are needed. Each attempt gives us valuable data, as well as valuable practice. The term “practice” implies that the skills are new and most likely will be challenging. Practicing new skills is the only way to get better at them.
Longing for the familiar
Many of us have inner critics that have been with us since childhood. Difficult times often cause us to seek the comfort of the familiar, regardless of whether “the familiar” is actually a positive thing. We can acknowledge this inner critic, thank it for trying to make us more comfortable, and tell it that positive statements are more helpful than negative. Then we can demonstrate, as many times as necessary!
Lost in the chaos
The inner critic may be fighting for space among all the other emotions that we are feeling, and it’s often quite successful at overpowering them. With practice, we can “isolate” the inner critic and turn our attention to the other emotions. What do we need to do to nurture, reassure, soothe, and calm the emotions that have been hiding in the shadow of the looming critic? As these other emotions start to be acknowledged and have their needs addressed, the inner critic starts to calm down, too.
What brings out your inner critic, and what strategies help you manage it?